Functioning? Barely. Coping? Bold Of You To Assume.

Functioning: barely. Coping: bold of you to assume.

The illusion of competence is the only thing holding this entire unit together and it's about to be charted as "patient resting comfortably." The illusion is you. You are also the patient. Get back to work — the call light is going off in 12. The new grad is asking what to do. The manager is doing rounds. The patient in 6 is, in fact, declining. You will fix all of it because you are, somehow, still upright.

What you're getting

• Size. 3" round, kiss-cut. Fits a badge reel, water bottle, charting tablet, or the back of your laptop. Big enough to be read across the nurses' station, small enough to fly under the manager's radar.
• Material. Weatherproof, sanitizer-survivable vinyl. Holds up to 12-hour shifts, full-arm bleach scrubs, and the occasional accidental sleeve-soak in a Code Brown.
• Print. Matte finish, no glare under fluorescent lighting. Reads clean from the foot of the bed and from across a nurses' station. Will not fade after the 47th sanitizer wipe.
• Adhesive. Repositionable for the first 24 hours. After that, it's committed. Like you, in year 7, telling everyone you're going to leave bedside but, somehow, picking up another double next weekend.

Send it to

For the nurse on hour 11. For the friend who is "fine" (she's not). For yourself, today, mid-shift.

Pairs with

Pairs with the matching 20oz Tumbler for the cup-holder energy. Or grab the Shift Sticker Pack if you're going to keep buying singles anyway.

Slap it on. Make the unit nervous. Make yourself proud.

For nurses who have run a code, charted "patient resting comfortably" while the patient was, in fact, screaming, and considered — fleetingly, in a parking lot, post-shift — leaving and never coming back. Functioning: barely. Coping: bold of you to assume. Built by nurses, tested on night shift. Search-relevant: funny nurse sticker, dark humor nurse sticker, icu nurse sticker, nurse week gift, NCLEX gift.